5/2/98 it rains and i am happy. harder rain than it has in years clears my mind of all that clutters and lurks. i hear every drop as i touch every muscle. i am no longer ignorant of what i feel. inside i know things move. i’ve never watched before the flow emerging never bitterly … [Read more…]
paralogism.. a fallacious argument contrary to logical rules defenestration…. a throwing of a thing or a person out a window i raised two daughters. i buried a husband. i’ve made my coffee. -lauren bacall. mirror has two faces Looking back now, he knew he meant to do it. He even thought he knew why. It … [Read more…]
What days these are for me, i have no way to explain them. I konw i am getting better… steadier, closer to the woman i want to be. I am cooking a chicken with lemon thyme and oranges and i think it has come out well. I am taking care of myself, though after years … [Read more…]
no matter what you’re holding, there’s no way to tell until the bidding’s done. Here I am, only seven more floors until I walk into satan’s lair to sell my soul. This I’m supposed to believe while mulling over an act latent with meaning. But they loved me at Joint. I know they did. I … [Read more…]
Ding. Ding. “Twenty fifth floor. Going up.” They’ve installed this recorded voice in the elevator. It creeps me out. I hate it. “Twenty sixth floor. Going up.” At first it was extremely unsettling. I don’t think anyone actually notices it at this point. He asked me to move in with him. I had my second … [Read more…]
I stand in this elevator. I ride the train in the morning and stand in this elevator, waiting as I pass thirty-four floors. Lift off. One, two. The elevator dings as it slides by each floor. This is life as it is. This is my morning, the beginning to all of my days. Three, four… … [Read more…]
They remade “Blue Lagoon”. Perhaps you were one of the fortunate few who caught it. It is possible you managed to see the first one. I did not. I was a few years shy of womanhood and still sucking my thumb. I stand in this elevator. I ride the train in the morning and stand … [Read more…]
11/9/97 ok. so my last day at mad river has come and gone, I have had two interviews and am poor as shit and I refuse to think about it. I paid rent I paid bills. so I’m broke on my own. Not on someone else. I finished on the 27th and went down to … [Read more…]
10/31/97 hey there. halloween and i’m alone. and judging myself again for my writing… what is it with me and critiquing my fucking journal for crying out loud. my fingers move over the keypad in a drunken stupor and i need cigarettes. rocky horror picture show is on the tellie.. ugh, i have no energy. … [Read more…]
10/23/97 Therapy. And I was there. That’s what he said. “Wait a minute, I don’t like to interupt, but I have to get this in. You were there. You do have your own past.” Was I invisible? Is that it? Is that what I’ve been feeling this whole time? None of this is mine. That’s … [Read more…]