1/3/99 wow. 1999. who’d a thought? it’s kind of surreal. everyone we ran into this weekend agreed. how bizarre is it that we’re living now, in this time? when we thought it was so far away? and no calamities, no doom impending, though we all have our various thoughts on new years for next year. … [Read more…]
12/22/98 oh the taking stock of our lives. oh the examining under intense scrutiny the minorest of details. like the time i slipped and fell at the christmas holiday party and fell in the ice bucket. and then i felt young and pathetic. like i was a drunk shame faced teenager who couldn’t handle the … [Read more…]
12/13/98 and if you’ve read this far god bless you. i suppose this is the absolutely wrong thing to do. but i don’t know any other way to try and explain to you how i felt while i was waiting for you to decide. and in the words of a wise woman, anasuya, who knows … [Read more…]
12/13/98 Well, after all my whining about men not being able to at least come and see me when they break up with me, now i have to eat my words. i don’t have a satisfying explanation to offer. i can’t say i don’t love you, because, i do. you’re the first one i hear … [Read more…]
fire filling burning holding rage in my stomach already full of bile of the stench of wanting to destroy exploding longing to throw away the past out the window into the streets hope that glimmered evilly trying to blind myself with splendor idealistic bullshit maintaining beauty where there is not beauty to be found. lashing … [Read more…]
I don’t remember what it is I have to say. have i run this whole way so i could look back and tell them i accomplished something? finally having the means to back myself up finally looking back and i am finding that up until now i didn’t realize how highly i thought of myself. … [Read more…]
5/2/98 it rains and i am happy. harder rain than it has in years clears my mind of all that clutters and lurks. i hear every drop as i touch every muscle. i am no longer ignorant of what i feel. inside i know things move. i’ve never watched before the flow emerging never bitterly … [Read more…]
paralogism.. a fallacious argument contrary to logical rules defenestration…. a throwing of a thing or a person out a window i raised two daughters. i buried a husband. i’ve made my coffee. -lauren bacall. mirror has two faces Looking back now, he knew he meant to do it. He even thought he knew why. It … [Read more…]
What days these are for me, i have no way to explain them. I konw i am getting better… steadier, closer to the woman i want to be. I am cooking a chicken with lemon thyme and oranges and i think it has come out well. I am taking care of myself, though after years … [Read more…]
no matter what you’re holding, there’s no way to tell until the bidding’s done. Here I am, only seven more floors until I walk into satan’s lair to sell my soul. This I’m supposed to believe while mulling over an act latent with meaning. But they loved me at Joint. I know they did. I … [Read more…]