Forgive Me Preach

For now or compartmentalized for later. But know I tried.
Two things about me, Preach:
The first can be a good thing. Once I see the path I think I need to go down, I have a really hard time getting off it (pit bull/teeth)… Usually I’m great at taking people with me. My bosses love me for it, it’s how I clear the way for my teams to accomplish so much.
But when I’m wrong about a path, it still takes a good kick to derail me… So that’s part of what happened. And that you may/not have witnessed this early on.
The other thing, the thing where some personal switch is flipped and I lose my shit…. That thing is one of my dark parts. It’s happened 3 maybe 4 times in my life total (I can think of each) and it gets more rare as I learn.
My emotional skills, until maybe the last decade, were all based around survival, trauma response, and fight or flight. (Actually, mostly freeze.) I’m learning how to speak, to not stay trapped inside myself. I’m learning fast… I’m actively doing it now.
I haven’t had that happen with someone I love. Not sure why/how now was different, only that my resistance and emotional reserves are really low. 
I do always do better when it finally gets through my thick skull what needs to change. 
Anyhoo… There’s my thoughts.