I stand in this elevator. I ride the train in the morning and stand in this elevator, waiting as I pass thirty-four floors. Lift off. One, two. The elevator dings as it slides by each floor. This is life as it is. This is my morning, the beginning to all of my days. Three, four… … [Read more…]
They remade “Blue Lagoon”. Perhaps you were one of the fortunate few who caught it. It is possible you managed to see the first one. I did not. I was a few years shy of womanhood and still sucking my thumb. I stand in this elevator. I ride the train in the morning and stand … [Read more…]
Oh lord Suya, Things are pretty much as you would expect them to be with me. You know how it is. If things are going well, rock the boat alittle. So I’m dating this guy who lives in Portland OR. (The place where I got pneumonia last year.) And I will try it again this … [Read more…]
Cary,Aaah the holidays. Usually that time of exquisite fucked-up-ed-ness. For the first time I am loathe to accept it’s imminent arrival. Christmas in Cali. Sound like a bad movie title to me. But alas, maybe I speak too soon. After all, it is possible I will have a lovely time chillin’ with my dyke sister’s … [Read more…]
Anjel- Is this the official new spelling? I keep picking this up from Cindy’s emails. Could it be? Is it true? Except for email, I’ve been really out of touch lately. (Gee, really?) Sorry about that. : ( . I hope thanksgiving was the usual blissful roomful of people and warmth. I did make some … [Read more…]
11/17/97 I got on the train this morning. I went into my temp job. I went into my little designated office space, in the nine floors of Cuibicleland, called something with two names, one of those corporate affairs. I cried the whole way in. I cried in the bathroom while I was there and cried … [Read more…]
11/9/97 ok. so my last day at mad river has come and gone, I have had two interviews and am poor as shit and I refuse to think about it. I paid rent I paid bills. so I’m broke on my own. Not on someone else. I finished on the 27th and went down to … [Read more…]
10/31/97 hey there. halloween and i’m alone. and judging myself again for my writing… what is it with me and critiquing my fucking journal for crying out loud. my fingers move over the keypad in a drunken stupor and i need cigarettes. rocky horror picture show is on the tellie.. ugh, i have no energy. … [Read more…]
10/23/97 Therapy. And I was there. That’s what he said. “Wait a minute, I don’t like to interupt, but I have to get this in. You were there. You do have your own past.” Was I invisible? Is that it? Is that what I’ve been feeling this whole time? None of this is mine. That’s … [Read more…]
10/21/97 To say what then? I can’t remeber what it was I was supposed to be pondering all week long in terms of therapy. What I’ve ended up pondering is always the same. I end up walking home from work at night imagining up a conversation with him. him. you know, that man that is … [Read more…]