11/9/97 ok. so my last day at mad river has come and gone, I have had two interviews and am poor as shit and I refuse to think about it. I paid rent I paid bills. so I’m broke on my own. Not on someone else. I finished on the 27th and went down to … [Read more…]
10/31/97 hey there. halloween and i’m alone. and judging myself again for my writing… what is it with me and critiquing my fucking journal for crying out loud. my fingers move over the keypad in a drunken stupor and i need cigarettes. rocky horror picture show is on the tellie.. ugh, i have no energy. … [Read more…]
10/23/97 Therapy. And I was there. That’s what he said. “Wait a minute, I don’t like to interupt, but I have to get this in. You were there. You do have your own past.” Was I invisible? Is that it? Is that what I’ve been feeling this whole time? None of this is mine. That’s … [Read more…]
10/21/97 To say what then? I can’t remeber what it was I was supposed to be pondering all week long in terms of therapy. What I’ve ended up pondering is always the same. I end up walking home from work at night imagining up a conversation with him. him. you know, that man that is … [Read more…]
Cary Have you the least idea how much hearing from you rocked my world? Life is on the downside of the roller coaster right now. things are happening rather quickly. I leave my first professional job on friday, thank god, they were only just beginning to annoy me. I have a second interview a half … [Read more…]
It was hard for me to realize that this person at the end of the table was my father. I didn’t say anything to him, I let the crowd my sister had invited do all the chattering. I didn’t feel like talking if I didn’t have something important to say. My sister had invited her … [Read more…]
Crossed Signals ME: long brown hair, skater in red plaid flannel. YOU: shaven blonde, nose ring and great green eyes. you had a coffee, I, a dropped jaw. Stared at you, can’t forget you. Can I buy your next Java? call. #786. -The number’s 555-PUMP. Waking. I turned over and shoved my face into … [Read more…]
For Daddy. Sit down, sit deeply into me and wait for I have only begun the fight as it needs to be. I have been waiting confrontation in finality fantasies can no longer exist this has now become reality the only thing which cannot be changed. My god, my demon I have fought you for … [Read more…]
It’s funny how life brings me back again to check myself. How all the people who are important to me come back. Or are they important to me because they come back? I am on the phone with Pele. Again. It hasn’t changed We go on, as we always do, talking ourselves through life. All … [Read more…]
D—-, you’re dangerous. This seems dangerous. But it’s not. My wife and I have an understanding. Then why will neither of us sit this way unless we’ve been drinking? That has nothing to do with F——. It was a good point. It didn’t. In the house it seemed there were no human sounds at all. … [Read more…]