I’m going to have to talk about it. I’ve danced around the topic for years now, avoiding it with each therapist. Avoiding it with my husband, avoiding it with myself. But I am going to lose my marriage if I don’t talk about it. Sex is really hard for me within the bounds of a … [Read more…]
Seriously? I have none. Absolutely none. And I have a baby. Am I being dramatic? I have some I suppose, but it’s gone in a flash. What brings on that impatience? That voice in my head saying “I love you, Catanya” every time I get away from a task and I’m alone. Walking between meetings, … [Read more…]
I wanted to be anywhere else other than there. Sitting in my glittery dress and circus ring conductor tailcoat with my peacock feather fascinator. I mean I looked fabulous and appropriate to the occasion. There was even a pirate couple, properly bustiered and feather-hatted. I fit right in. I wanted to crawl out of my … [Read more…]
when he stopped to pick me up. Thought I’d never get the infernal racket of the wind blowing through the god-damned wheat fields. Fucking husks. The air’s so dry the inside of my nose is bleeding from chafe up there. My eyes are beyond dry. “You need a drink?” he motions toward the cooler on … [Read more…]
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I woke up that morning with you laying on top of me. Your head resting on my stomach, your arms wrapped around my body like a pillow. One arm between my legs and cradling my back. You sighed and kissed my belly and it made my clitoris twitch. I cried your name so loudly I … [Read more…]
I cannot tell the difference anymore between a healthy fascination and a dangerous obsession. I’m no longer qualified to evaluate my own feelings. When you turn toward me, leaning into my space, I take a breath to stay focused. When you move toward me for a hug goodbye, instead of me moving to hug you, … [Read more…]
The monkeys are restless in their cages the babies worry at the bars The women pray to their spirit gods (the music is silenced while i look away) Smoke of incense calls through the air I turn the corner above the golden keep the wolves hound the door below the dead stand their guard watching … [Read more…]
This anger creeps up to bite me every now and again. So much of the time I’m not concerned with it at all. Then someone or some thing confronts me, and before I realize they are forming, there are tears over the tops of my eyes and down. Out where everyone can see them. And … [Read more…]
Yeah. Health my ass. My body has betrayed me. My family has no history. No medical problems. And here I am taking no less than 5 supplements and 2 medications per day. My hormones have betrayed me. I can’t have children, and yet I have to regulate my pituitary hormones for the rest of my … [Read more…]