Hi there dear family
I really am so grateful for all of your communication and support this is all so very bizarre and overwhelming otherworldly it’s like watching myself function and another world.
I arrive in Connecticut on Wednesday night I’ll see Mom on Thursday morning. And we’ll see how far I get cleaning and straightening her bedroom. She called and asked for my help straightening the bedroom, I think she’s hoping to make some headway with her stuff her stuff her things her things.
I want to set some expectations now and offer an explanation for the kind of support I am or I’m not able to give mom. We’ll see after a week and a half together if mom and my relationship can sustain through end of Life Care. I don’t know what she has told any of you about her relationship with me, but for the last 5 years, she has been nothing but abusive rageful vengeful spiteful, and hateful. I am letting her know that she’s on three strikes and out basis with me. But I cannot commit to any kind of day-to-day or long-term care for my own safety my own emotional well-being and for the sake of I need to be steady and calm for the sake of my own daughter and my husband. For survivors of abusive relationships parenting, calmly and safely and lovingly, and peacefully is a minute-to-minute challenge that we have to overcome. It takes all of my focus and commitment to offer the best of myself to Dara and to overcome those challenges and protective reflexes that trauma leaves in its wake. Hopefully, mom will do her best and will try to convince her many personalities that I have the best of intentions for her that nothing I’m saying or doing is a plot against her or is a critique of her house situation or life choices. But if she flies into a rage repeatedly at me I will not be able to stay on site. I am mentally preparing to offer my help now, and see how it goes. And I am already prepared
I am preparing and will coordinate of course with family on logistics and planning for her estate, belongings, funeral, etc after her passing. But I am not sure that I’m capable of spending time with her again. She has inflicted damage that cannot be undone. Especially recently and especially in The last 5 years.