I can picture myself, telling him(a) the truth. How I feel, how I long for him. How everything has turned off for me, I am losing the feeling of purpose in my life. I can do work to make the lives of other’s better. I can send girls to school in Nepal and raise money to build reading rooms and computer labs in Vietnam and Cambodia. But I cannot find contentment in partnership in my life. And here I ask, what then is the point?
The appalling sense of incredulity: how can I be shown something this powerful, to have it taken away? To not have it as my own. I feel so strongly it is not over. There is no magic left for me. It touched me long enough to finally know it existed. But I am left not with magic, not with a hero, but with the plain reality of practical love.
There is no magic in this world for me. It is something I am not supposed to have. I grieve it’s loss & ache for it. How can I bring myself to heal this? How can I bring myself to speak with him? I cannot look in his eyes to have him reject me. To have him move on away from the force that held us together so tightly.