a moment of peace, just one. maybe that is all i need in the morning to get my day moving. eyes shut, breath into my body exhale out the night before, breathe away the sleep to clear the way for the day not simply to happen, but to be experienced. consciously living the moments that are before me.
the temptation away from consciousness wins only if you are working at a job you do not love. i love performing. i love being onstage. how do i do that more? how do i do that more and still pay for a house, for a life in the bay area? do i sacrifice the bay area? every city will be expensive. every urban area, with a music scene, will need to be supported w/ money. i cannot go home to live in scotland, connecticut. (how on earth does that thought even occur?) so how do i do music for a living? do what i love for a living?
how do i not look back in 20 years and feel like i frittered away the best of my life? settled for less. i can see now w/ pretty open eyes that i did not settle for less in my choice of husband, though i may have thought so at first. he is a good man, the best kind of man, and certainly the right man for me.
now onward, to the rest of it, how do i become settled in my career? how do i make this next choice? project manage for a smaller company w/ a more critical and relevant mission? i do not want to bring a consumer commodity to market. this is not what i want to do. do i want to bring people’s ideas to market? like indiegogo?
potentially.