i’m not over it yet – all those people that come and go. they take part, they love you, they share moments of my life and then they are gone along w/ the dorms, the cabins, the lakes, the flights, the classes… those people those places those faces they are gone.
they inhabit my dreams now though – we hang out regularly. people who i never knew together mixed into the same conversations. friends from kindergarten mixed in w/ friends from camp and cousins and b—-. i wake up after having conversations, feeling as though i’ve just seen them all – as if we’re all familiars. for some of them it’s been years and for some, i’ll never see them again.
what is it about the group excursions that grab me? dreams of going to disney/epcot center in high school, my summer camp, midsummer… situations that intensify relationship. build an immediate family and rapport. but then do i feel confused / betrayed when they are gone?
the one place all these folks exist together is in my head, this is true. the ghosts of the living inhabit my head and heart. it’s really the ghosts of who they once were, who i perceived they were. funny, they may not recognize themselves in my dreams; watch my dream and not even know. the strangest though, are those folks who were so significant in my life, who may not even remember me. here i’ve benchmarked pieces of myself against my time with them, and they do not recall my name.
i suppose that means i CAN write songs about them. barring any direct quotes – i might even get away with it.
all my familiars
no matter how long
i never lose a one.
i see them at night
in my dreams
the occasional stranger
is he someone i met once
in daylight forgotten?
returned to life
once i close my eyes?
this is how it works
how delusions are formed
this relationship i’ve built
without your participation
i’ve made you mine
who dreams of me
that i have forgotten?
strange i should live on
in another mind’s eye
at night, in REM
in remembrance
so this is what they mean
to live in a parallel universe
i exist to you and you
to one whose seen me once
or a hundred times
i wont get over you
each dream’s gift, each morning’s loss
mourning the parting
from solace received
a love never lived