Hey Kelly,
I’m sorry, I know I’m a terrible correspondent. Life has been. That’s about all I can say for it. San Francisco might as well be a million miles away for all it takes me to get back home now and again. Work is going well, at least I have no real reason to complain. I’m still working at that video editing place, Mad River. They treat me well and I have good insurance, so…
I’m so homesick though. I can’t wait to see New England again. Even though I realize I should be blessing the sunshine in the winter, I can’t. Even though I should have been depressed all of February and wasn’t. Because come April on the first real spring day when everyone puts on shorts alittle too early, and all the mothers tell their kids they’re gonna catch cold, and that morning you woke up and realized the spring birds had finally come back and you could hear them in the trees, and there was mud everywhere, and you walked outside and smelled the air and you knew with this exhilarating feeling that finally, finally, it was over. Winter was over and you didn’t have to worry about plowing out your driveway for another three quarters of the year. and the sad thing was…I didn’t get that either. none of it. There is no such thing as the first day of spring when there is no winter. It truly sucked. All of a sudden these people were walking around going “It’s spring. Isn’t it great?” And I was overhearing and thinking to myself, This is not spring. You people are out of your minds.
I went camping with “this guy” and some friends up in the Sierra Mountains. I was about fifty feet below the snowline, and thousands of feet above sea level. It was unbelievable. I felt like I was in a national geographic poster. I hadn’t been out of the city in such a long time (though I can get to the beach, which is almost as good). I was out of the buildings and there were horses around, and cows, and things that used to be familiar to me. And with the creek running right behind our tent and the trees and woods and campfire, I felt like I was home. And I really got an ache for the woods and camping back there, even that camping night with everyone form camp in the back yard across from your house, and Dulcie being an airhead in the middle of the night. It was horrible. I, of course, started to cry, and Jack (“this guy”) was asking me what was wrong. I’m a dork. But I’m determined to do my time here. I feel like I’m completing a prison term or something.
So, “this guy” is the one who works for my company, only in the Los Angeles office. He’s great and all that, he’s tall and skinny (surprised aren’t you?) and he wants to make movies eventually. A lot of his personality is stuck in this adolescent boy stage, he has to climb anything that’s climbable, we have spitting contests (he thinks I spit like a girl) and he rates my burps on a scale of 1-10. Given the fact that sort of thing makes me laugh, we get along pretty well. He flys or drives up every other weekend or so. I see quite a bit of him, for all that he’s 5 1/2 hours away by car. He brought up marriage the other night. It’s funny, I didn’t feel the way I thought I would. I mean, he didn’t ask me or anything, just brought it up. He’s thirty, and an editor in the LA office, earns a more than decent wage. It felt completely natural, bringing up the topic of marriage in a bar over some beer. But he has all these Hollywood dreams, and I never thought of myself as a Hollywood wife, I don’t think I really want to. It’s fun to be wined and dined and to go out to clubs, but I don’t really enjoy things like that. I spent so much of my time partying by lakes and in the woods, that if I have to be wined, I’d much prefer a picnic to a night club. People just live so differently out here. But we’ve agreed not to talk about marriage again until after we hit a year. Which is, for now, what we’re both aiming for. Wouldn’t that be a change for me? Well, we’ll see. It’s only been since December. It would be nice though, to look forward to settling in and whatnot. I’ll believe it when it finally happens to me.
Life has been interesting with my new-found father. Actually, it’s been hard, and that’s about all. Having him in my life has complicated everything. I suppose it’s good to forgive and forget, but it’s hard on my mother and my family back home. I guess it would be cruel to cut relations with him at this point… if I sound at all confused, I am. My sister Robin isn’t taking it all too well either. She isn’t jealous or anything. I think she had all these ideas of what a sister was supposed to be, and though I never exactly knew either, at least I had Cindy and Angel from home, and so many people in my chosen “family”. She wants this ideal relationship of shopping and movie-going and hanging out…but we don’t really have much in common, not really much to talk about. Or maybe I’ve grown silent lately, I can’t really tell which it is. I have honestly noticed that I don’t talk nearly as much as I used to. It all seems to be tied in somehow.
Anyway, how are you? How is married life treating you? another anniversary visible on the horizon. Hard to believe time passes that quickly. How is everything going with the school/job thing? I hope its been good, you were working so hard at it all. How is Chris and also the rest of your family? Let me know how you are.
I have a new phone # just in case…415 731 3446.
I miss you Kell, I’ll talk to yous soon. Keep in touch.
Much love.